1) First a disclaimer: If you are the type who gets easily offended by stories that might be embarrassing to the folks written about, we advise you to cease reading and go to Disney.com for more wholesome entertainment.
2) That said, as we mentioned last week, we have been working on a story concerning Chris Pronger. The return to Edmonton last week promoted several readers to ask FAUXRUMORS to the exact/real reason for why he so abruptly asked to be traded, and left Edmonton last spring. After all he wasn't traded there. He went there and signed voluntarily when he could have signed virtually anywhere, and had an amazing season to boot. So why leave??
3) The initial rumors swirled around an apparent infidelity Pronger had with a certain local news-gal. The rumor had Chris involved with her, knocking her up, and forcing her to terminate the pregnancy when his wife found out. While this was never confirmed, it was the scuttle-butt of supermarket tabloids in Alberta all summer.
4) After many readers asked us the real scoop, we started to dig, and dig some more. As many of our long time readers know, we don't just spout off nonsense unless we can corroborate it among several independent sources, and NOT until we have the complete story(which is why the Eklund story is taking so long!)do we go to print.
5) To that end this is what we have been told from our sources. The reason for the Pronger exodus was NOT Chris Pronger, but his wife Lauren. No, not for the popular reason; that she preferred to get away from the snow and cold of northern Canada for the year round warmth of southern California. The reason the Prongers needed to get the hell out of Dodge, or Edmonton was ironically for the same reason that were rumored with Chris, but it was NOT Chris who had the near-miss of an illegitimate child, but Lauren! Yes, Lauren Pronger from accounts we have heard from several sources had taken up with a local physician and inadvertently became pregnant!
6) The physician's name was given to FAUXRUMORS, but as he isn't a celebrity, we have been told by our legal department it would be safe to not use his complete name. We can say he is a local Internist. First name John, Last name initial K. The story goes; Mrs. Pronger saw Dr. John last fall for a routine case of allergies. After several visits, and having Chris gone for weeks at a time, the two became more than Dr.-patient, and it became a full blown affair. Culminating with pregnancy in January.
7) The pair attempted to keep things hush hush, but in the hockey media circus that is Canada, nothing is private. A local reporter got wind of the story and confronted Lauren. Knowing that Chris would find out one way or the other she decided to tell him herself. What followed were some very uneasy weeks for the two. Eventually they decided to reconcile, if for nothing, their 2 children. It was at that time that Chris and Lauren decided new scenery would lend itself to making a new start. As a consummate professional, Chris decided to wait until the season ended. We don't believe even he thought the Oilers would last as long into the playoffs as they did. However once it was over it became public that Chris had asked Edmonton's GM, Kevin Lowe, for a trade even before the Stanley Cup playoffs started.
8) The rest is history, and at the quarter poll of this season Chris Pronger is the early favourite to win the Norris as best defensemen, and quite possibly could be in the running for the Hart trophy as league MVP. From what we have been told the personal life of the Prongers has been far less contentious, and actually peaceful so far in southern California, where the two can and do live in virtual anonymity.